I'm so going to hell for this one
by missivthegreat
Summary: Product of boredom and illness.  both LITERAL and figurative Penn/Leighton fanfiction with Dan/Blair bits. Will be more in the later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**This is completely weird, I'm sick and have a flu so since I'm stuck in my bed I wrote some totes-sick-irl-shipping-stuff-**

**No idea why thought I could share it with "the audience" but I guess I found it funny. Maybe it'd be fun to read as well.**

**"Incubus online" is a forum where Penn Badgley used to post really dirty (LOL!) stuff with nickname "" (it's real!)**

**There is some Dan/Blair as well, and of course it's all just imagination.**

**On another note just wanted to let everyone know I'm finishing my latest chapter of "Never look back" and planning another fanfic that's completely different than anything else I've ever read (GG, Dair related) so stay tuned!**

**Reviews make me smile, just hit the review button and say how foolishly stupid this was.**

**Beteedubz,**

**(MET pics are guilty for my Peighton shipping. And bloopers.)**

"You dumbfuckers..."

Leighton is pored over her laptop looking extremely into what she is reading until the last word slips her mouth.

She quails in fear of not being all alone and finds herself checking out if someone else is around.

"You could lose your job over something like that!" Penn offers his most exultant voice and hands her a paper. She looks at him with relief and then starts laughing hysterically.

"What?" he rolls her eyes cautiously taking a sip of his coffee from the paper cup.

"See," she now stands up closing her laptop and the last drought of something so invaluable for Penn Badgley becomes a nightmare. The worst coffee he's had in his entire life.

_Don't come too close._

She doesn't. She just stops and smirks in a very unusual manner skimming through the text he just handed her.

"I see you being cagey Leighton." Penn laughs in the most adorable way, she thinks, and bites her bottom lip playfully.

"I love you Chuck," she starts fake-reading the script she's been given. "I love you moreee" she spins out the last word and quickly Penn realizes she's mocking the scene because of the way she was making fun of the line. "...and more every day, every nanosecond of my being is fighting the urge to break loose and _run, run into your arms _because...you..you"

"That's not in the script! It's so ...wedding episodey-ish." Penn chuckles lightly while contemplating at her.

"I know, doesn't make a difference, this one's almost the same...Same old stuff, lame and..."

"Boring?" Ed offers entering the room and both Penn and Leighton turn around only to see him casually walking in making his way towards them, holding the exact same paper of the script.

"Shh! Someone could hear you guys." he continues in the same manner taking his sunglasses, "I'm gonna go now, learn my" he fake coughs, "difficult lines." he picks up his things from the table and disappears.

Phew. Gone.

"So..." Penn tries again vaguely, "Meester," he calls her and her stomach clutters as she feels the shape of her name on his lips.

"What was that secret stuff about?" he reaches for the laptop and she starts laughing a little diffident this time.

Finally Leighton plucks up the courage ready to start speaking and flashes him a brilliant smile. He swears he can feel his heart race underneath his ribcage thumping eratically against his chest.

"I'm sure two words will do the trick, Badgley." she looks down uncomfortably feeling she said his surname in everything-but-friendly way.

"Yeah? Two words?" he repeats dying to find out what is she talking about.

"Incubus online." Leighton laughs at her own words and Penn's visibly scoffed.

"You were...reading," he takes a deap breath and makes sure this isn't a dream by slightly pinching himself as she continues:

"I was thinking we could change Penn Badgley to P. Funk"

"So that dumbfucker thing...ohmy." he rolls his eyes "You were reading my...why?" he starts rambling teasingly as they continue bantering.

She shrugs "I guess I was bored, lurking...Found it by sheer accident, of course." she murmurs and purses her lips feeling the need to explain herself.

"Whoa, you..."

"I was sixteen years old alright?" his lips are going dry and he's trying to make this excuse more believable while somehow managing to continue.

Silence.

"We're nervous, Badgley, aren't we?" she's coming closer again and he gulps heavily seeing her leaning inwards.

"Very." he bites out clenching his teeth.

"I didn't know that side of yours."

"You don't know me that well Leigh."

Now that she's close he feels the scent of mandarins and vanilla, something so-not Blair Waldorf-likely.

They want her to always have Channel 5 while they're shooting and it surprisingly helps and fits the character.

However, they're not Dan Humphrey and Blair Waldorf at this moment.

He's attempting to say something but feels completely distracted, the track of his mind disoriented. His tongue itches at the inside of his mouth but he chooses to keep quiet.

"Leighton time to slip into your Marc Jacobs we need you!" one of on-set people adds casually and she shudders and keeps away from Penn. She leans on the back of her chair she was previously sitting on and places a polite smile, yet very official for what it looked like only a second ago.

"Blake awaits Leigh!" Lorry's voice's loud and clear.

Right. Blake.

"I guess we'll have to discuss your twisted porn obsession in your sixteenth later."

He stares at her, wide-eyed "I guess." he finally whispers.

"See you later Meester."

* * *

><p>"Christ almighty it's lunch break! Oh my God, Penny!" Blake squeals as she embraces her dog gushingly.<p>

"Wow she's really passionate about dogs." Ed notices greedily eating his gyros.

"You have no idea." Penn adds a little out of sorts.

Leighton catches his stare but chooses to ignore and change the topic.

"And you, Ed," she starts taking a dainty bite of her cupcake with lemon icing "Are passionate about saucy spicy food I'd say." Leighton cracks a joke but now when Blake's gone and there's no her cheerful carefree laugh it leaves them in uncomfortable silence.

"You have no idea." he repeats what Penn just said.

"Actually I do," she continues, her eyes following the sour expression on Penn's face that came out of nowhere.

"Remember that time when we were filming NYU scenes and make out sessions. God you were really annoying, you ate souvlaki like crazy!" "But, of course we had so much fun filming...we don't get to film that much!" she says this as if she just noticed that she's been given so much more time with Penn now.

"You're all his." Ed points towards Penn and both Leighton and Penn blush a little.

"You mean Blair. Waldorf. is all Dan Humphrey's" Leighton says pouring more water into her glass.

"Sure."

"Listen, I've got to run errands, you two enjoy the meal. You're such a slow eaters!" Ed says seeing they didn't finish even halves of their meals.

"No, in fact we've got to go as well, I mean..."

"Don't worry Penn. Zoe knows Leighton is just your castmate, I'm sure she won't be worried if some pictures accidentally pop up in the press. She's not Louis." he teases and it makes them feel a little less stiff.

"Goodbye Ed!" Penn rolls his eyes scornfully.

"Do you want something to drink?" the waiter asks since there's nothing left on their table now. They're joking, laughing, enjoying themselves and almost forgot about the time.

"Actually we do. Wine, please." Penn adds visibly more relaxed and not inclined to worry about small things. "If the lady agrees of course." he adds grinning at her and grinning back she nods.

"Anything to eat?"

"Umm, yes, bring us more lemon cupcakes, thanks."

"Penn you do realise we stayed here for 2 extra hours?"

"I do. I'm just enjoying some quality time with my colleague." he coughs as if he's preparing to say something important. "You just need to change your perspective. Look on that as Dan and Blair. Dan and Blair on a date, alright?"

"_A date?_" she smiles endearingly a little flattered by what he just said but then turns completely serious just so he wouldn't notice.

"Well Dan and Blair are dating now, aren't they?"

"Okay. I'll play your game Badgley. I'm in."

"We're closing in an hour." the waiter cautions and they nod both slightly tipsy.

"So, Waldorf, are you enjoying your date?" he pretends and Leighton slightly blushes when his knee grazes hers fleetingly.

"You're better than I thought Humphrey! I'm actually quite surprised."

"This is so silly." she can't help but add, as her, as Leighton.

"You have a little...there." he explains showing her a little cream left on the corner of her upper lip.

She takes a napkin and wipes it away elegantly.

He moves closer, choosing to sit on a chair next to hers forgetting they're in public for a second.

"That's the lamest way of seducing a women Humphrey!"

"Did it work?" he's staring into her lips now feeling the same sweet scent he felt before.

"Yes?" she blurts it out like a question but it's definitely a confirmation.

That's when a little "I love you." escapes his lips and she looks up at him now an inch close:

"I love you too Daniel."

He moves away. They're in public, he has a girlfriend.

"Penn...what?"

"Nothing, I've got to run." he replies and paying the check leaves the restaurant. Heaves her wondering, many questions clustering in her head, many what ifs, many whywouldhes' .

Did he mean he loves Blair or maybe, just maybe...

No way.

* * *

><p>They see each other on the next day of shooting when they both come out of their trailers.<p>

It's Monday and it's chilly outside. Leighton's wearing black tights with gray leopard print and a casual long-sleeved shirt. He offers her a hoodie and she gratefully accepts in silence.

They don't communicate much and are in fact very professional with each other rehearsing. And cold to each other.

Maybe it's just the weather.

They're supposed to have a long walk through Central Park discussing an exhibit they just went to and have a usual coffee date after .

Dan and Blair.

Of course.

Who else?

"Take one, let's go! 3, 2..."

"Humphrey that was the most romantic thing someone's ever done to me." Leighton's lips curve in a frail smile.

CUT.

"Leighton, concentrate, you're in love with this man. Eye-communication is always welcome. Body speech. Let's go one more time."

She takes a deep breath giving her best to concentrate. If only it wasn't so hard.

"Andddd action!"

"Humphrey that was the mos..."

_I love you._

Is playing in her head and she sighs.

_I love you. Not Blair. You, Leighton._

"Humphrey! Thatwasthesweetestthing..."

CUT.

"You're not trying to kill him, you're trying to thank him for everything, have you read the script?"

_No, she thinks. I haven't. I was stuck with this young Mister drinking quality wine and flirting for more than 6_ _friggin'_ _hours._

"I..." she trails off and that's where she loses it. "I need a break."

"Penn?" he enters the trailer and she quickly wipes off her tears.

"What's going on here?" he asks more out of curiousity than courtesy. He cares about her.

"It's just...it's just hard." she's crying, tears streaming down her face making her look weak and lonely.

He wants to give her a hug but knows why he's here.

"Go back and let's get this done. You were an amazing actress yesterday, I'm sure you can be even better when you return out there!" he tries to console her. "I'll be waiting." he ends ready to leave.

"I wasn't acting yesterday..." she somehow pulls it off and when she says those words he feels his world's tearing apart.

"I meant you. I meant Leighton. Not Blair. Well even though I love Blair." he shakes his head..."It's kind of my job." he laughs and moves closer.

"You know that this is wrong...And we can't..."

"I know." he grasps her hand holding it tightly.

"But we'll always have those moments between...Dan and Blair."

"I guess." she says it in a very low tone, he can scarcely hear her.

"I broke up with Zoe though."

"You did?"

"Yeah."

"Looks like she really freaked out about the press!"

"Wait, we were in press? Ed was right after all..."

"Yeah you should've seen Dair fans apparently youmblr broke."

"Youbmlr?" she chuckles "You mean tumblr?"

"What's that?"

She shudders "I don't know I heard of it. They love us out there. Your fans love you, so I'll hurry up, come with me and let's film this scene the way it deserves to be filmed!"

"Just for the fans?"

He winks "For the fans!"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

**BEFORE I WRITE ANYTHING ELSE: WARNING. 3D CHAPTER WILL BE VERY VERY SMUTTY.**

**Okay the reviews I got totally encouraged me to continue. **

**This is something I didn't plan, I just wrote stupid things that randomly popped onto my mind. It's really good because time passes very quickly when you're bored.**

**IT'S IMPORTANT TO KNOW: This chapter is set in the past, with Penn/Leighton filming s4/s5 scenes; **

**Upcoming chapters will content:**

**- when and how they met each other on GG set after Drive Thru**

**- them filming s1/2/3 scenes**

**- bloopers (fake ones!)**

**- a very very smutty chapter set in season 2**

**How it all started, basically.**

**Looks like I just got a plan!**

* * *

><p>4x11<p>

"I don't think you realise who we are." Leighton proclaims in a very Blair Waldorf-ish way slightly pursing her lips looking as confident as always.

"Who does she thinks she does is...*beep* *beep* she thinks she is! Damn.

"One more time!"

"I don't think you realise who we are." Leighton repeats.

"Who does...I'm sorry, I don't even know what I'm saying *beep*"

"Andddd go!"

"I don't think you realise who we a..."

Leighton looks at Penn who's now laughing very loudly.

"I don't think you realise who am I" Joe Lazarov chuckles at them, "you'll both get flash quit if you don't concentrate starting...NOW."

It's still funny but they just exchange looks and turn serious.

* * *

><p>4x13<p>

"Give it up...I almost called you Leighton!" he says and they both laugh in the sweetest way possible.

"Shall I say _Oh look it's Michelle Trachtenberg's baby! _now?" Leighton cracks a joke and after the great laughing session it's time to film again.

* * *

><p>4x14<p>

No scenes with Penn.

She's disappointed.

He's bored as hell wondering if his character Dan's chasing after Serena and whatwashisnameagain?

* * *

><p>4x16<p>

"...that maybe I could return to Chuck before he fell for someone else." Leighton says the line and feels obliged to add "Seriously?"

Penn whispers "I know..." and they can't help but both roll their eyes at the ridulousness.

* * *

><p>4x17 -before the kiss-<p>

"Are you nervous?" Blake asks amicably and Leighton sluggishly nods her head.

"Why though?" she chuckles and Leighton catches sight of hair, golden like the sun, twinkly eyes and loveable, radiant smile revealing her burning white teeth.

She huffs recognizing the fact only a crazy person could say she doesn't look ravishing.

Penn was in love with this girl and for all she knows he maybe still is. They made out for a thousand times.

They must be excellent and very experienced kissers.

She remembers all their make outs in season 2 and it makes her nauseous.

"Um, I don't know." she finally responds, her fingers nervously playing with the gold pearl necklace she had to wear in that scene.

"Oh, don't tell anyone I said this but you have no reason to worry he's a good kisser." she continues in her casual manner and adds, "And sometimes such a tease!"

Leighton laughs uncomfortably nodding her head pretending she's feeling casual about this.

"Yeah not a big deal really!" she chins up as she repeats Blake's words and watches her leave the set.

_Breathe_; she thinks._ Take a deep breath._

She's nervously checking herself in the mirror for the very last time before she hears someone calling her name.

"Leighton, are you coming?"

She takes the lipgloss from the counter and then bungs it in the drawer nervously looking for her bag.

"Coming!" she clears her throat and exclaims focusing on her tone trying to sound sharp and clear.

Feeling her own hands shaking she edgily rummages through her handbag and pockets until she finds another lipgloss.

Much more appropriate one.

Then she puts on another layer. Just in case.

Much better.

It smells like chocolate and sour cherry_._

_Mmff delicious_, she thinks.

Top that Blake Lively!

"And action!"

They were rehearsing the scene before in a lot more casual atmosphere, so he finds himself surprised, and surely swept off his feet when stepping out of the "elevator" straight into "Blair's foyer"

He could put "classy, sassy, elegant, beautiful, charming...mm..sexy" on repeat yet still find it hard to show his actual amusement.

Everything. Leighton, her dress, her porcelain skin and beautiful torso.

She's wearing that gorgeous Christian Dior Floral lace dress that suits her perfectly. No wonders they bought it 15 episodes ago while filming in Paris, specifically for her.

She asks the very well known question and he replies:

"I've been walking all night with one all-consuming, paralyzing thought." he can feel her eyes on him but chooses to ignore it and goes on with the scene.

"Why...am I walking around the city when I live in Brooklyn?"

.

.

.

Time to move closer, they both feel it.

Penn makes the first move and haphazardly fixes her strap. When they touch it makes her shiver and quickly she can feel goose bumps rising on her arms.

CUT.

"What was that? That wasn't scripted!" producer asks and Penn laughs shyly and offers a quick shrug:

"I don't know. I really don't."

Leighton does. He does.

Expecting to be criticized he's very surprised when he hears:

"Whatever it is go on, it was such a spontaneous move. Brilliant job!"

The entire crew laughs.

This is the 6th time they're filming the "famous" makeout and everyone's satisfied.

Apparently others were too passionate, and everyone knew the first part of the kiss was crucial, since they knew they're gonna put the freeze-frame. Unfair for the audience, fair enough for them and their urge for "cliffhangers".

"That was..." Leighton jokes making the sound of disgust to stop the awkwardness and it works.

"Oh yeah? After the sixth time? Seems like Humphrey has no chance of redemption." he shots her a coy grin.

"We'll see about that." she lets out a laugh.

Turned out to be awesome.

* * *

><p><strong>This is very short because I can't get on my computer whenever I want so I didn't want to wait and make it way too long.<strong>

**Review and tell me I'm not sick alright? lol**

**God should I continue with this? (wrong on so many levels lol)..but it's kind of my guilty pleasure.**


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